Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
