We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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