She is in my trunk
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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