PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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