apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
