I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
