So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
