Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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