I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I still have a little drunk in my system
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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