Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Randomize
