I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
