Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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