Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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