You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
