respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
