i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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