I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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