mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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