I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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