My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
