if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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