**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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