You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
