Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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