I got chris browned last night
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
