mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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