You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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