dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
