I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
