I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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