i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
