i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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