we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize