my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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