dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you're hired as official boob wrangler
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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