so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
