I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
