You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am available for nakedness
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
