You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
