im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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