Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
