my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
