you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
