matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
how drunk are you?
Several
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
