Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
