dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm too high and old for this...
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