She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
