he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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