Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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