dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
