and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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