She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Never joke about your clitoris.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize