shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
