Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
