What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
