shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
