is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Vodka?
Forever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
