I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
