dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
