someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
