i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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