Taylor Swift is so right about you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize