There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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