Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
