at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
