You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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