party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
