so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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