Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
wow bdsm is so cute
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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