I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
