The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
