wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
