And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
