i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
