he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
