Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
