and next time when you feel me up, do it right
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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