I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
