Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She bit a glass in half.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
how does that bad decision feel?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
