I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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