She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
