i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
