we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
