I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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