do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
