he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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