I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
