the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
