So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize