theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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