This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
