do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Fuck appropriateness.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
