If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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