Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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