I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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