I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
