Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
