Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
