the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
